The Tortoise and the Scare: Scream Like a Girl

All animals have some warning system that protects them from harm. Rattlesnakes rattle. Bees Buzz. Dogs growl. Monkeys throw poop. If you're fast you can run away. If you're slow you can curl into a ball and use your specialized hairs to fend off an attacker like a porcupine does. And if you're a turtle you can pull yourself inside your shell and hide right? I went hiking after work in the Estero Aquatic Preserve and was walking while fiddling with my GPS when I heard a HHHSSSSSTTT - so I screamed like a girl. I was alone. I don't need to admit this, but my honesty has been called into question (I did yell at the pig - the macaw did call me a cracker. 99% of what I relay here is the truth) but for the sake of candor I offer all details here now. I screamed like a girl. It surprised me. It surprised the massive Gopher Tortoise who thought better of his simple hiss and hold your ground strategy and he pulled himself inside his shell.

I'd never heard one hiss that loud and that long and the fact that I almost stepped on this huge turtle didn't help. This place is known for a nice population of the endangered turtles. Their preferred habitat of sandy, palmetto/pine flatwoods is perpetually under attack which almost always ends up as a cookie cutter housing development.
They love to dig 5-10 foot deep burrows in the ground where they spend much of their time.


The rest is spent foraging for grasses, berries and the occasional flower or dead animal if it's rotten enough. They can't exactly chase it down and kill it.

Although they are on the Endangered Species List, they will most likely be removed soon along with Wood Storks and Manatee. This is not because their populations are increasing since each is suffering the opposite. Instead, the Bush Administration argues that the Endangered Species Act has not provided each species with sufficient protection and therefore should be downgraded to threatened to which they also argue offers the same protection. Confused? It's like removing a "School Zone" because cars aren't slowing down anyway. Basically developers will not have to concern themselves with hissing turtles and nesting birds and boaters can go back to speeding through the gulf.

So every tortoise I see is exciting and through my and MaLe's adventures we've seen a few.

(Kids - don't do this) This in on the Florida Turnpike. Speed limit 70 MPH. We passed it and I realized it was a tortoise. By the time we slowed and backed up an 18-wheeler had hit it.

This one chose a back road in Punta Gorda and enjoyed a better fate. I stopped and made sure he made it before I let anyone pass.

On my way out of the preserve today - I spooked a Marsh Rabbit who bolted into the palmettos. I didn't scream.

Sounds Like a Hematoma to Me

To call this blog entry an "Everglades Adventure" might be a stretch, but to conform as best as I can, let me ask this question. Can a snake that does not bite cause you to bleed?

I went to the Neurologist today because it seemed at the time, preferable to working. I was referred to a Neurologist because my primary physician was "not sure" why I was having pain in my arm. I can't imagine someone asking me what bird that is and me telling them to go to another tour to find out. But my theory is that the medical profession is the world's oldest pyramid scheme.

So I became a human guinea pig for 45 minutes; enduring electric shocks and sharp pointy things on my bare feet. Much like Pavlov's dogs who salivated when he would ring the dinner bell, I would begin to shake when the doctor would ask me questions. I knew he was distracting me and if he asked a work related question, the zapper was coming, so I would shake. Bzzzt and we'd do it again. The doctor apologized for the discomfort and said the worst was over. Just a few needle pokes and I was done. I hate needles. I'm a baby, and when the intense fire coursed through my arm, I did my best to be tough. No whimpers. No winces. Deal with it! After 5 jabs I was beginning to understand what a dog endures after it attacks a porcupine. This really hurts! The doctor finished his testing and went for the results. I sat up, looked at my pin cushion of an arm and not only saw a stream of blood pouring down my arm, but there was an egg-sized bump on the back of it.

I peeked out of the room and requested some help from the nurse who was nice enough to say "that's the worst hematoma I've seen in years!". I felt proud as I continued to bleed. Apparently the jamming, and I use that word with little exaggeration, of the needle into my arm struck a vein and caused internal bleeding. Really gross. It's still swollen hours later.

Ultimately, I have a pinched nerve in my neck which is causing tightness in my arm. I also have a nasty bruise caused by the doctor. The cause of the pinched nerve? I whacked my head a few weeks ago in the snake pit. It's about 6 feet from floor to ceiling and when I reached for a Crocodile, a Rat Snake, basking on the limb of a tree, lunged out to bite me. It missed. I jumped and whacked my head and four weeks later I'm suffering with a hematoma thanks to the snake.

Chicken Protein Shakes and Snake Wraps

When you're an endangered reptile in captivity, hunger strikes are not acceptable. Indigo Snakes are endangered not only due to loss of habitat (dry, pine and palmetto forests) but because they are so docile in temperament and incredibly beautiful that people illegally remove them from the wild and sell them as pets. The male Indigos shimmer with crimson and obsidian iridescence as if created by a glass blower. The females lack the red but are equally gorgeous. This one was removed from a Gopher Tortoise's burrow (a typical place they cohabitate) by an ignorant farmer and became too sick to be returned to the wild. But after several months it still has not eaten and it was time for us to step in and force feed him.

The snake is nearly 6 feet long. To get the tube far enough down into the stomach, I would have to hold the snake and prevent him from straighting out.

The tube must go down the esophagus. Food or air into the lungs would kill the snake.

The food is a delicious blend of pureed chicken and eggs, which is fairly close to what they would eat in the wild and in truth is remarkably foul smelling.

Once the stomach is full, the snake must be relaxed and held upright to allow gravity and a little massaging to help the food stay down.

Snakes feel more comfortable when they are draped or wrapped around something. (normally a tree!!) In this case, the Indigo coiled up into my shorts and than came back down the other leg and wrapped around. That should give you an idea of how long the snake is. And how comfortable I was. It really didn't bother me until the snake decided to uncoil by backing out of my shorts. I wanted no part of that and we enticed him to come back out the way he went in.


Really....what can I say for this one?

This should keep the Indigo healthy for many weeks to come, but hopefully he'll learn to eat on his own again.