Friday, July 13, 2007

Sounds Like a Hematoma to Me

To call this blog entry an "Everglades Adventure" might be a stretch, but to conform as best as I can, let me ask this question. Can a snake that does not bite cause you to bleed?

I went to the Neurologist today because it seemed at the time, preferable to working. I was referred to a Neurologist because my primary physician was "not sure" why I was having pain in my arm. I can't imagine someone asking me what bird that is and me telling them to go to another tour to find out. But my theory is that the medical profession is the world's oldest pyramid scheme.

So I became a human guinea pig for 45 minutes; enduring electric shocks and sharp pointy things on my bare feet. Much like Pavlov's dogs who salivated when he would ring the dinner bell, I would begin to shake when the doctor would ask me questions. I knew he was distracting me and if he asked a work related question, the zapper was coming, so I would shake. Bzzzt and we'd do it again. The doctor apologized for the discomfort and said the worst was over. Just a few needle pokes and I was done. I hate needles. I'm a baby, and when the intense fire coursed through my arm, I did my best to be tough. No whimpers. No winces. Deal with it! After 5 jabs I was beginning to understand what a dog endures after it attacks a porcupine. This really hurts! The doctor finished his testing and went for the results. I sat up, looked at my pin cushion of an arm and not only saw a stream of blood pouring down my arm, but there was an egg-sized bump on the back of it.

I peeked out of the room and requested some help from the nurse who was nice enough to say "that's the worst hematoma I've seen in years!". I felt proud as I continued to bleed. Apparently the jamming, and I use that word with little exaggeration, of the needle into my arm struck a vein and caused internal bleeding. Really gross. It's still swollen hours later.

Ultimately, I have a pinched nerve in my neck which is causing tightness in my arm. I also have a nasty bruise caused by the doctor. The cause of the pinched nerve? I whacked my head a few weeks ago in the snake pit. It's about 6 feet from floor to ceiling and when I reached for a Crocodile, a Rat Snake, basking on the limb of a tree, lunged out to bite me. It missed. I jumped and whacked my head and four weeks later I'm suffering with a hematoma thanks to the snake.


  1. Nice entry. Shows the dangers of your job. Enjoyed it this morning! You should try stretching or yoga or some of that buddha stuff you like.

  2. If you stand on your head and let the blood run down to your brain it may begin a synaptic process of telling you to stay out of snake pits. And another thing..... how does a five foot six inch guy hit his head on a six foot ceiling. My bet is some pretty Latin American chica whacked you on the head and your passing it off on some poor snake.

    John in Vermont

  3. I'm 5'9". Even without hair damn it. And if a snake lunges, you jump. It really was the Ecuadorians fault but I was trying to make up excuses.