Invisible Threat - The Atlantic Bottle-nosed Dolphin

While bobbing in the ocean recently I heard a young boy scream “TIBURON!”

I know some Spanish, but it was the frantic tone in his voice that helped me quickly translate a word that I normally associate with a local golf course or a Hyundai coup. In this case – Tiburon meant “SHARK!”
Neck deep in the Gulf of Mexico, I turned away from the beach and watched a pod of Bottle-nosed Dolphin (Tursiops truncates) arc through the water in graceful undulations. I looked down around my feet and watched, just in case, fully prepared to launch myself from the water if anything shark-like stirred beneath me. It didn’t. And there are worse things than sharks in the gulf.

Throughout the summer of 2010, an estimated 5 million barrels of oil streamed from the bottom of the ocean and spread north along the Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama and Florida coast, impacting hundreds of millions of sea creatures including fish, shellfish, sea turtles, birds, manatees and dolphins. Thousands of injured or dead animals were collected as the oil flowed unabated day after day in the largest oil spill in U.S. history. When the leak was plugged and the oil stopped flowing, the threat to wildlife and the overall health of the Gulf of Mexico continued even if the media coverage trickled to a stop.

Apparently the Gulf dodged an unprecedented environmental disaster? According to a government report, as of August 4th when the Deepwater Horizon wellhead was capped, of the estimated 120 million gallons, 17% of the oil was captured, 8% was burned, 8% was dispersed with chemicals, 26% remained onshore and 41% evaporated, dissolved or dispersed naturally. Images of vast oil slicks have been replaced by news of oil-devouring microbes that have perpetually kept natural oil seeps in the Gulf from blackening the waters. While many are quick to declare victory after an agonizing four months of the disaster, I can’t help but be a cynic. I worry that the health of the gulf will continue to be impacted for years to come.

I watch the dolphins swim away and eventually disappear. I can’t see them but I know they’re still there.

Dolphin Heads! - Get Your Dolphin Heads!

Why is it you can go to just about any tacky gift shop in Florida and get an Alligator head but for some reason I've never seen Dolphin heads for purchase?

They're all real. We spotted these in a gift shop that lured Ma-Le in with "Free Freshly Squeezed Juice!" They were out of juice but had plenty of dead gator heads.

Rat Cheese

You know you want some.

I've milked cows before. It's not easy. They've been walking in their own manure. They kick as well as any horse and some can only stand the milkers for so long. Milking a rat can not be any easier. I hear the "rat milking" stools are tiny and it's nearly impossible to attach the milker to all 8 teats.

Nevertheless - Rat Cheese is sold on the southern slopes of the Great Smokey Mountains.We passed this sign on our way to the Great Smokey Mountain Train Ride in Bryson City, NC. Located on the Cherokee Reservation, the roadside market sold boiled peanuts and jams made from everything from papaya to kudzo. But most noticeably they sold Rat Cheese.

We stopped on our return trip - our imaginations running through a maze trying to find the elusive answer to the query - what is "Rat Cheese".

The woman behind the register - who looked as if she had stood over a boiling pot of peanuts since the Trail of Tears offered as much of an explanation as the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary.

"It's Cheddar"

The locals call it "Rat Cheese" but it's a "ring cheese" that comes from milkin' cows. Why Rat Cheese? She wasn't sure but it gets both rat aficionados and cheese lovers like ourselves to stop if for nothing but curiosities sake.

Here in south Florida we do the same. Go to any restaurant that serves seafood and no doubt they serve Dolphin, mostly to shock the tourists - but it's not the mammal but the fish - aka Mahi Mahi. Sound good? Would you like to start off with a Rat Cheese fondue?

Back Up Until it Sounds Expensive

"Back Up Until it Sounds Expensive" is a Bill Schreiberism. I had the opportunity to try this today.

If you're going to do damage to a vehicle, make sure it's not your own. Or make sure it is your own. I haven't decided.

Today I led an Everglades trip on my day off. The boss is away in Vegas for his 20th wedding anniversary. Manfred our senior guide has driven 5 days in a row, so I get to drive. With the boss away I chose to drive the primo Mercedez-Benz Sprinter. It's nice. Seats 12 comfortably. Great speaker system, room to walk down the aisle between the seats. Great views from every seat.

I also asked MaLe to go on the full day trip for her first time. Since we had only 5 travelers booked it would be no problem. We only go out if we have 4 or more people and when 3 of the 5 canceled at the last minute, I figured we were in for an interesting day. The two ladies from Pennsylvania had gone with us before and knew the routine, so it was bound to be a fun day.
Typically I don't go on the Everglades National Park boat tour. The 1 1/2 hour trip travels through the 10,000 islands in Florida Bay and although it's a nice cruise, once you've heard the boat captains puns, you don't need to go again. But MaLe was along today so I decided to go. While I took care of the tickets inside the gift shop, MaLe and our 2 travelers boarded the boat. The boat doesn't leave without our tickets, so nothing to fear. Until the boat left without me.

Since I never go, the boat captain insisted that I wouldn't be going today despite MaLe's pleas. Slightly shocked, I hung my head like Charlie Brown and plunked myself down on a bench to wait for their return. This became boring after 5 minutes and I drove the primo Mercedez-Benz Sprinter down to Chokoloskee Island to see the sites. There's an old turn of the century general store which has been converted to a museum that I planned to visit. They have old Seminole fabrics and clothing on display, various antiquities from the old rum running and pot smuggling days and a variety of other historical artifacts. There's not much of a parking area. Just a few sandy spots among the Australian Pines and Coconut Palms, so I chose one and began to back in. Checked the left mirror. Checked the right mirror. Slowly backing in and BAM!

$%#%# PALM TREE!

I backed into a palm tree! The slight dent I could deal with but the jolt shattered the glass which exploded all over the back seat of the van.

Think. Quick. I was shot at by an old island coot. An old fart backed into me. A skunk ape hurled a coconut through the window. Ann Coulter finally exacted her revenge against me and head butted the back window....I need an excuse. I need to LIE!

But after coming up with too many poor excuses I decided what I knew all along. I'll tell the truth and accept the consequences.

Tune in Tuesday morning to find out where the truth gets me. It may be expensive.

And what did they see on the boat cruise? Dolphins, Manatees and Bald Eagles!