How To Kick A Rabbit

Rabbits are fast and hard to kick. They're food for just about everything including alligators, bobcats, panthers, rednecks, snakes, coyotes and goats. Like most prey species they have exceptional range of sight and with eyeballs that protrude from their skull they can see a swift foot coming. They can see on the left and on the right but their vision overlaps for only 30 degrees to the front where they have a minimal amount of depth of field. They also have a 10 degree blind spot and this is the key to kicking one if you can't sneak up from behind. You can also wait outside a den but who knows when they'll creep out. You can always count on a rabbit to dart one way and then dart back the opposite way, but if you don't anticipate correctly, a quick change in direction and an errant punt can lead to a torn ACL.


When you do connect it's important to get the firm spot underneath. Remember - you're not trying to harm the bunny. You're just hoping for good distance.


What to wear? Fabulous colors. Rabbits seem to have only two types of cones in their eyes that allow them to see greens and blues so you can camouflage yourself by wearing spectacular pinks, reds and oranges. This may backfire by drawing fire from locals.


Don't blink because rabbits don't blink often - maybe 10-12 times an hour.


Threats abound for rabbits so they are well adapted to avoid the casual rabbit-kicker. For the well-trained bunny punter, all of these adaptations will be accounted for and one should find great success when patient.

Of course I don't condone such behavior. But it seems to be hardwired into boys brains. Tonight I watched a boy run up to a Muscovey Duck and kick it. His older brother followed and his father laughed. How is that not a punishable offense to wildlife!

While hiking with friends on Sunday I had hoped to see some wildlife and the thought popped into my head. If a rabbit were to run out - I'd kick it. I could have kept the thought to myself, but it came out and the lesson you've read above followed.

I love animals. I don't wish to harm them and I feel bad that I eat some of them, but why do we think this way. As far as I can tell - most women don't have these thoughts. If a deer prances along most women would think "awww" and many men would think "shoot it!". If a toad hops by many women would think it warty and gross and most men would want to lick it.

It could simply be that everyone thinks crazy thoughts and most don't express them. If I didn't there wouldn't be much of a blog.

The Tortoise and the Scare: Scream Like a Girl

All animals have some warning system that protects them from harm. Rattlesnakes rattle. Bees Buzz. Dogs growl. Monkeys throw poop. If you're fast you can run away. If you're slow you can curl into a ball and use your specialized hairs to fend off an attacker like a porcupine does. And if you're a turtle you can pull yourself inside your shell and hide right? I went hiking after work in the Estero Aquatic Preserve and was walking while fiddling with my GPS when I heard a HHHSSSSSTTT - so I screamed like a girl. I was alone. I don't need to admit this, but my honesty has been called into question (I did yell at the pig - the macaw did call me a cracker. 99% of what I relay here is the truth) but for the sake of candor I offer all details here now. I screamed like a girl. It surprised me. It surprised the massive Gopher Tortoise who thought better of his simple hiss and hold your ground strategy and he pulled himself inside his shell.

I'd never heard one hiss that loud and that long and the fact that I almost stepped on this huge turtle didn't help. This place is known for a nice population of the endangered turtles. Their preferred habitat of sandy, palmetto/pine flatwoods is perpetually under attack which almost always ends up as a cookie cutter housing development.
They love to dig 5-10 foot deep burrows in the ground where they spend much of their time.


The rest is spent foraging for grasses, berries and the occasional flower or dead animal if it's rotten enough. They can't exactly chase it down and kill it.

Although they are on the Endangered Species List, they will most likely be removed soon along with Wood Storks and Manatee. This is not because their populations are increasing since each is suffering the opposite. Instead, the Bush Administration argues that the Endangered Species Act has not provided each species with sufficient protection and therefore should be downgraded to threatened to which they also argue offers the same protection. Confused? It's like removing a "School Zone" because cars aren't slowing down anyway. Basically developers will not have to concern themselves with hissing turtles and nesting birds and boaters can go back to speeding through the gulf.

So every tortoise I see is exciting and through my and MaLe's adventures we've seen a few.

(Kids - don't do this) This in on the Florida Turnpike. Speed limit 70 MPH. We passed it and I realized it was a tortoise. By the time we slowed and backed up an 18-wheeler had hit it.

This one chose a back road in Punta Gorda and enjoyed a better fate. I stopped and made sure he made it before I let anyone pass.

On my way out of the preserve today - I spooked a Marsh Rabbit who bolted into the palmettos. I didn't scream.