Resurrection of the Zombie

It's never really dead - so Resurrection Fern is a misnomer. Call it Zombie Fern. Even that would be a sensationalist's attempt at sprucing up botany, as Zombies are neither alive nor dead. But this little fern has the amazing ability to go from a lifeless, desiccated appearance to a vibrant healthy green with just a little rainfall. They can in fact go years without water but how often does that happen?

I mention this because it just rained. The hyperbolists - not to be confused with the herbalists have suggested we're in the worst drought in 50 years. We've had 3+ inches of rain in the last 36 hours - equaling the accumulated amount of rain since October. The Resurrection Fern will therefore be splayed out in all of its verdant glory. The picture above - taken on Sunday, is a fallen cypress tree covered with dried up fronds. The picture below is the same tree looking fantastic after just a little rain.

During the drought we've been necessarily shackled with serious water restrictions, but when hyperbolists and sensationalists collide, the ensuing media frenzy over a rare winter rain storm can only mean that an uneducated public will feel emboldened to get out there a wash their cars and water their lawns even before the last raindrops have fallen.

3 inches of rain means we're now only 5 inches below average. So Floridians - put the hose down and step away from the slip and slide. And bathroom bullies do not in fact have the go ahead to give that swirly.

The Resurrection Fern can tough out this drought, but until we're flush with freshwater in our aquifers we need to maintain a descent level of water-use moderation.

As a wise child once suggested to me - "Save water - drink more soda."

Turn Over a New Bush

First Lady Laura Bush visited the Everglades today during part of an effort to help kids "turn over a new leaf" regarding the environment. Presumably she thinks kids are to blame and need to change their wasteful, destructive ways.

Dozens of local school children aged 9-12 were gathered with the First Lady at the Everglades National Park for the announcement of the 2008 Junior Ranger Program and to learn about native and exotic plants in the area.

"Children will be asked to submit an essay that asks them individually on how they can improve our environment."

One submission suggested to wait 6-9 years, time travel back to 2000 and vote for Al Gore.

Another was to preemptively bulldoze places where exotic plants may be in the future.

One precocious 11 year old laid out a comprehensive 20 year plan to systematically remove all man-made water control devices, eliminate all exotic plant and wildlife species and cut back significantly on agriculture uses on Everglades lands - all of which would be supported by a state/federal budget. But ironically, just hours before, the President had submitted a federal budget that underfunded a similar plan by hundreds of millions rendering the plan essentially useless.

This may be why Laura was out mobilizing the coalition of the pre-pubescent. If biologists, civil engineers, botanists, environmentalists, politicians and land managers can't solve the problem, burden the children.

The winner of the essay contest gets a trip to the Everglades - which they were already gathered in. And more importantly a shopping spree. Most likely at one of the Wal-Marts, Targets, or K-marts that have been built in the Everglades.


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