Keep Your Enemies Closer - Alligators and Turtles

Alligators eat turtles. It’s not their number one choice on the menu but they have no qualms about eating them. Sliders, cooters, softshells, snappers. If they can chomp them and swallow them – down they go. But that doesn’t mean they can’t tolerate each other.

Alligators have one of the most powerful bites in the natural world. Their teeth are not sharp, nor can they chew, but an adult alligator can exert more than 2000 lbs of pressure per square inch of their jaw. With 80 concrete-like pegs for teeth they can snap that jaw shut with lightning speed and make a delicious meal out of the crunchiest turtle. The problem with turtles is not that they have shells but the style of the shell. Florida Softshell Turtles (Apalone ferox) are quick and pliable. Normally they can squeeze into the narrowest crevices to avoid danger. The tenacious turtle in the bottom right photo went for a ride in the jaws of the alligator but eventually escaped. Yes that’s the poor thing’s snout.

Sliders and Cooters can grow well-rounded carapaces (the upper half of their shell) which makes eating them all the more problematic. Imagine trying to eat a baseball-sized walnut. In the shell. Your mouth is too small and your jaw is not strong enough. A turtle with a high shell might get captured in the jaws of an alligator but it may be difficult for the gator to chomp down. Often a large turtle will escape with a slightly cracked shell or a tooth mark or two.

Alligators have a seemingly unending supply of teeth. Beneath each of the 80 conical teeth is another tooth ready to go, so if one is lost in a turtle-eating attempt, the alligator has plenty more where that came from.

In the top photo, the turtles were polite enough to allow the alligator the choicest of basking spots on the log. “You go first. We’ve got your back.” This alligator is far too small to sample any of the four turtles relaxing behind it. Plus feeding time for alligators is usually after sundown. Of course, there’s nothing keeping another bigger alligator from clearing the log of all occupants.

Small Bites - The Yellow Rat Snake

You know you’ve done it. You ate the whole thing. And you can’t believe it. Now you’re trying to digest the 32 ounce steak and a double serving of apple pie (with a slice of cheese) along with the side of vanilla ice cream. You couldn’t help yourself. I do it too, from time to time. I get overwhelmed by the notion that I might never eat again so I better eat everything in front of me.

Snakes do not have to eat every day. Some don’t have to eat every year, but when they do they put themselves in a precarious position during digestion. When I came across this 5-foot Yellow Rat Snake (Pantherophis obsoletus) in the Big Cypress National Preserve, it was hard to miss the rat-shaped bulge in its midsection. I could tell it was a male because if it was a female it would have asked “does this rat make me look fat?”

The snake paused. Clearly not blending in. Probably thinking it did. It didn’t even blink. Mostly because snakes don’t have eyelids. Not wanting to disturb the digestive process, I kept my distance while I photographed the constrictor.

I considered what had gone on before. An unsuspecting rodent of some type was seized by the snake, who coiled around its prey and squeezed the life out of it. Once its lunch was dead, the rat snake opened its mouth upwards of 130 degrees and began to systematically swallow the critter whole. Muscles in our esophagus help us get food from mouth to stomach. Snakes don’t have those muscles but instead rely on the movement of the entire body to envelope their prey and get food to where it needs to be for digestion.

 

I then considered what was in store for the rat snake. The rodent was now riding the reptilian roller coaster of digestion and within the next five days will be reduced to nothing but fur. Inside, the snake’s intestine will grow 2-3 times the normal size, allowing for an increased amount of digestive juices to dissolve the food to nutrients. It’s a meal that may hold the snake over for weeks if not months if no other prey is available.

I better go eat dinner now. Must remember to take small bites.

Mary Jane Brownies

I have taken a vow of good eating recently. No more ice cream, candy, cookies, red meat, fried foods, Arbys, etc. I subsequently broke my vow as I always do, but I've still been pretty good. Tonight was a celebration of sorts, which is the reason to break any vow and although there was truthfully no good reason to celebrate we got a bit crazy anyway and dug out a box of brownie mix that has been sitting in the cupboard for a while.

MaLe whipped up a batch of brownies and after enduring the scent of baked goods cascading through the apartment, she offered a bite for me to try.

While the brownies cooled, she suggested that she was a bit worried about eating them since the expiration date on the package was May of 2004. I told her not to worry. It's just flavored flour and sugar and.... I trailed off hoping she would get bored thinking I was listing ingredients. She came back in a bit later and said she was really worried now which I thought was weird since she had only one bite. Apparently she had several "one bites" and had eaten nearly half of a 9 inch cake pan of brownies.

I have no idea if she'll be ok or not. I mean it's not hamburger that has been sitting around for 3 years. In fact it is part of a collection of my mother's (Mary Jane) pantry items that I brought down from Vermont. I couldn't bear to just throw them out and seeing as she had kept them well past the expiration date, I figured I would too. Her corn bread was fine and the honey mustard was a bit off, but the brownies tasted ok.

hmm.. in retrospect...she probably would have said "Jesus God don't eat that!" and then gone online to WebMD to research food expirations and food poisoning.

time for bed. feeling a little bit funny.

I Paid For a $360 Haircut

Truth be told I haven't paid to have my haircut in 11 years, but when you have a long-haired coon cat in Florida, you don't have much choice but to go Poodle-cut on the fluffy beast.

General Tso is 6 1/2 years old. (Poor thing was born on 9/11/2000. I don't think he understands).

He was named after the delicious Chinese dish because Bill, my mom and I had just been to the China Buffet and my mom had convinced me I needed another cat. We were not too sure where in Rutland, Vermont to find a cat, so she asked the waitress who either didn't understand the question or was being defensive. After that, naming him General Tso was a no-brainer.

He sheds his fur in massive quantities this time every year and if I'm not quick to brush it out it forms dense mats of fur that tugs at his skin. It can't be pleasant. I tried at first to shave him. I can shave my own head so how hard can it be to shave an animal. With claws. and teeth. He's a sweet cat, but that was not going to happen. He was shaved for the first time in 2005, much to the dismay of cat #2, Ticonderoga who responded to his return home by hissing at him and chasing him around. As if looking like a poodle were not bad enough.

I decided to go with a preemptive shave last year and brought him in before the mats became too painful. The nice vets at Green Mountain vet were warned that he's a sweet cat in a bad mood. They said not to worry. No cat could be as bad as Missy and pointed to a picture on the wall of a gnarled, one-fanged, mangy beast that looked as if it had been peeled off the road. I knew he was in good hands.

When I returned, the vet began laughing, handed me a pair of gloves that workers at nuclear power plants use to handle plutonium and suggested I would have to handle the Tasmanian Devil in Vet Block #481516. It took a lasso, a squirt gun and a burlap sack, but I was able to extract the angry monster from his temporary lair. Missy's picture had been removed, there was a new vet devil champion. He hissed and growled all the way home and was again not greeted as the liberator that many thought he would be. Oh wait that's another story.

Since I've moved from Vermont to Florida, this would be his first trip to the vet down here. He was fairly calm on the trip over. He asked at one point "what's up with coconuts?" which I took to be merely an existential question and not a botanical inquiry.

I warned his new vet that he's a cuddly, lovable cat but gets medieval when he hears the clippers. She jotted that advice down, giggled when I gave his name and told me to pick him up after 4 pm.

Apparently the vet forgot to tell her assistant about the clippers. Before Tso was knocked out he turned them on and the cat expressed his own anal glands in the poor assistant's general direction. I paid for it in the end.

The shave only cost $50. And that was all I was bringing him in for anyway. But somehow he got his teeth cleaned, 2 vaccines, blood drawn and who knows what else.

In the end, it all worked out well. Tso got the Poodle Bob - which is a new style for him. If I had thought about it I would have gone with the Mr. T Mohawk in honor of Ash (pictured below being shaved by wife Kate on New Year's...a story for another day)

Maybe next year. His return elicited a few hisses and one camel spit from Ti. I'm not sure what that material was she spit, but it had some distance on it.

You gotta love this cat. And aren't pets supposed to look like their owners anyway?
Look at that tail!

Peeps!

I've been remiss in posting. Call it Writer's Cramp or whatever. I've just not been inspired. I had a plan to write about the "Red Drift Algae" problem on the beaches, but couldn't figure out how to make it humorous so instead began sifting through resumes, looking for a potential new Everglades guide that I need to hire. (and no, bartender does not make you "uniquely qualified" to drive people out to the swamp....)

And then a comment was posted to the blog. A miracle! I love the comments but this one is one of the best so far.

William said...
Hey, this is Will (the kid who was bit by the bat last year). My mom is about ready to make my sister and I stop subscribing to your blog. It is causing a lot of disruption in our home school study time. For instance, this evening I couldn't resist timing how long it took me to eat an entire package of Peeps. I only had one left, so I got a lot of grief for hogging it all. However I managed to swallow all five Peeps in 1:28:82. I'd like to say the ordeal was worth it - given the bragging rights I have earned - but my belly is paying the price.

I looked for a picture of William to post here but couldn't find one from the VINS vault of photos, this was the best I could do.

I have a great affection for Peeps. My mom would buy whichever holiday themed Peeps were in season, including Flag Day. The strawberry Valentine hearts being my favorite, with the Halloween Ghosts not far behind.

We've eaten pretty much all of the Easter Candy from last week, but there was still a package (3 rows, 5 to a row) of pink Peeps just sitting around, and despite my claims of a post-Easter diet, I've attempted on several occasions to dig into a batch of well hidden candy, only to be thwarted by the Ecuadorian who has only recently developed a sweet tooth to rival my own.

So there the package was. Not being eaten. Taunting me in a way only inanimate, sugar-coated, fluffed marshmallow of an unnatural pink can taunt. I had had a rough day and could no longer resist. MaLe had just walked into the other room. So I grabbed a pair of scissors (completely unnecessary), ripped open a row and shoved two Peeps down the pie hole just as MaLe stepped back into the room, staring in horror.

I can't be sure if the look was in disgust over a delicacy she had yet to try or the desperation in which I piled the pink Peeps into my mouth. Staring her down like a vulture protecting a dead armadillo, I pleaded "Don't take them from me". She didn't. She even tried one. And was repulsed.

I ate the other two and we left for our evening walk.

So that brings me back to William's e-mail which arrived just in time. I don't wish to cause trouble in William's household, nor do I wish to condone the consumption of such useless calories, but I can't help but feel proud that somewhere a boy was inspired to scarf 100 calories of sugar while timing himself, because of my writings! It's exciting and further proof that something might be wrong with me.

And for more proof......

Eat well peeps! And mix in some vegetables William they balance out the candy nicely.

Let Me Eat Cake

When you're 2 years old and it's your birthday you can:
A) Cry if you want to
B) Demand donuts and cake

I was lucky enough to spend the day with Peyton and family on her first birthday in 2006 when the mostly immobile little girl pretty much made baby noises and pooped in her pants, but this year the family came to visit in Florida and birthday number 2 would involve a trip to see monkeys in the zoo and alligators in the wild.

With the baby loaded up with a face full of chocolate munchkins, we headed to the Naples Zoo (the old "Jungle Larry's"). If there's one thing 2 year olds don't like it's 95 degrees and 100% humidity. (Ecuadorians on the other hand - love it!) No sooner had we left the comfy confines of the air conditioned ticket/gift shop when the meltdown began. We did see the Planet Predator program with zookeeper Cindy - formerly a contestant on the show Survivor, but the heat got to the baby and away we went.

Would a boat cruise out to the monkey islands help the day improve? The baby loves monkeys! There are several small islands that a pontoon boat cruises around, inhabited by gibbons, siamangs, patas monkeys, spider monkeys and colobus monkeys. Look Peyton monkeys! "Peyton go home now".

Oh well. Half way through the Alligator feeding show, the baby decided enough was enough, Florida humidity getting the best of her.

A good 2 hour nap through the Big Cypress Preserve allowed her mom and dad the chance to see some big gators out in the wild. (a small one pictured here) It turns out all a baby needs is balloons and cake.

All through her birthday dinner she chanted "Caketime". Donuts, monkeys, and cake. It's a dream day for me.

I've finally added a better rating system. If you on the Rate me at Authorati link below you can easily fill out the info. It's anonymous.